One day...

I had such a rough day. Everything is falling apart. It started off great. I slept in late, didn’t have to go to work, and I was supposed to go see a movie with my two best guy friends. Well, I got all dressed up. Might I say I was looking pretty cute, haha. And one of the people I was supposed to see a movie with came to pick me up. We left to go to new town where his girlfriend was supposed to meet up with us. Well, she couldn’t come. So, this guy and I just walked around for awhile. It was alot of fun. Well, he tell me that the other guy who was supposed to come doesn’t want to. I said oh, that’s fine. ( Even though.. It’s the same guy I am unconditionally in love with.) We walked around a bit when we decided to call him and joke around and say oooohhhh you should be here and stuff. Well, I guess he took it offensively and freaked out on me. The other guy I was with tells me the other guys girlfriend hates me. Which kinda makes me mad and a little satified. It made me mad because when I met this girl.. I treated her as nice as I possibly could. I mean, she IS dating the ex I still have feelings for. But, the she goes and tell them she hates me.. Like WHAT THE FUCK! Bitch, you don’t even know me. I am trying to be the nicest fucking person to you even though deep down I hate your nasty ass sausage guts and YOU go and say YOU hate ME?! That drives me crazy. I never even gave a reason for her to hate me. It also makes me happy to know she OBVIOUSLY takes me as a threat. Which is my only excuse to why she would hate me. ANYWAY. So, this guy starts cusing at me saying I am the reason him and his current girlfriend got into some huge fight.. OK. Sooooo, for ONE you’re obviously not over me if you’re still talking about me to your current girlfriend. TWO why are you talking to her about me if you don’t care about me. Yeah, I bet you DID tell her some lame ass lies about me so she would hate me. Like I give a flying FUCK. Well, then he said something that I swear to god will be burning in the back of my mind for absoulte enturnity. “You are the BIGGEST regret of my life.” Oh my god.. How am I supposed to take that. Like.. I was with this guy for nine months. Nine months of my life I will never get back. And that was the biggest regret of your life. Glad I spent all this time crying, and whining about you. Glad I spent every waking moment of everyday to make sure YOU were okay. That YOU were still happy. That YOU knew I still loved you. And you say this. But, I’ll be fine. I am practically over him. Except, for ever single memory, every single picture, every single dream I had of him. Now, all that’s left for me to do is… Move on.

Psh, this will be fucking fun.

Not.

 I hate the way I’ve been living my life. When I was with you everything was fine. You made me feel like nothing could ever bring me down. And now look at me. I broke up with you for THE stupidest reason I could think of because I was getting bored. Now, I sit at home and feel sorry for myself for not listening to my heart. But, I would give back anything to kiss you one more time. To call you mine one more time. I promise I’d never hurt you again. We are trying to be friends now. Which I am so happy about. But, I still have this thought in the back of my mind like.. Why can’t you love me? Why can’t we be us? My friends and family hate you. Only because of how much I cried. Yeah, I cried ALOT. But, not because of you. I cried because I knew I screwed up. And here I am. Just speaking what’s on my mind. The worst feeling ever is knowing that you have to move on because the one I am IN love with is taken. You are with someone else who you claim you love. She isn’t even cute. I might just be saying that because I’m a tad jealous but, she looks like a pig. But, I guess you’re into that kinda stuff now. I don’t really know you anymore. I’d love to, but, you’ve changed. When we drove in the car together the other day I wanted you to park it and kiss me so hard I’d remember it for a lifetime. Too bad that shit doesn’t actually happen. They say if you love someone, let them go. But, what if you physically can’t? Neither you’re heart nor mind will let you. Fuck it. You had such an impact on my life that I will NEVER get over you. When I cry, it’s always regret. Regret because I broke up with you. I mean, we did fight alot. But, over stupid stuff like clothes or who we were with. But, all that was just looking out for eachother. We DID go to other schools so, how were you to know if I had been kissing someone else or vis-versa. Well, I trusted you. And I know you trusted me. I could tell by the way you looked at me. We could talk about everything. And now, I get excited when you text me the smallest thing. I feel like I should cry but, nothing is coming out. Maybe I have finally cried out all my tears. Doubt it. When I saw you kiss her my heart dropped. That used to be me. The only thing that kinda freaked me out is you were kissing her with your eyes open.. That was a little weird. It was probably more weird that I was actually staring at you guys kissing long enough to notice. I asked your bestfriend if you did that with me and he said no. Is that a sign that you cared for me more? I mean you have ONLY been dating her for a solid day now. Which IS pretty long for you. You were my first true love. Of course I’m gonna rag on you for being with a swine. You guys will have so very cute piglets. I’m done picking on you. I’m done typing this. Too bad, you’ll never see this. Because, blogging IS overrated.